


Addicted to You

by SPowell



Category: Merlin - Fandom
Genre: First Time, M/M, Sexual Addiction, attempted non-con, dub-con, references to child molestation, sock-wanking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-18
Updated: 2013-01-18
Packaged: 2017-11-25 22:09:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/643467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SPowell/pseuds/SPowell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for this kink me prompt: Arthur/Merlin, Sexaholics Anonymous. Arthur is a sex addict. Merlin is his sponsor.<br/>Major note: This is a little tongue-in-cheek. Please know that I am clueless (except for what google has told me) on the subject of sex addiction and this was written to answer a kink me prompt. So I am not poking fun in any way at anyone with this actual problem.</p><p>Disclaimer: I make no profit from this endeavor. The characters belong to BBC and Shine, along with legend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Addicted to You

**Author's Note:**

> I really don't know anything about sex addicts except what Google could tell me. This was written for a kink me merlin prompt. Do not throw rotten fruit at me.
> 
>  
> 
> I do my best, but I'm sure it's painfully obvious I'm not British.

The tall, handsome blond stood at the podium and cleared his throat. “Yes, um…my name is Arthur Pendragon, and I am a…” his eyes roamed over the room full of people before he forced the words out. “…sex addict.”

Everyone greeted him. “Hello, Arthur.” “Hi, Arthur, welcome.”

There were all types of people there, men and women, young and old, from all walks of life. But Arthur still felt out of place. He didn’t want to be there, but after the last incident, Gwaine had insisted.

The leader of the group, an attractive blond woman with a no-nonsense demeanor, spoke. “Arthur, you just took your first step in admitting you have a problem. You should be proud.”

“Thanks,” Arthur murmured, feeling vulnerable and out of place.

“Now, would you please share a little about your addiction with us, as others have done this evening?”

Arthur colored. “Well, I—it’s just that…”

“Go on,” Morgause prompted, “We’re not here to judge.”

Arthur sighed. “I just really, really like sex. And it’s sort of become a problem in my life, because I can’t get enough of it. No man stays with me for very long because I’m so demanding. They say they don’t feel loved—that all I want is their body.”

There were several murmurs from the crowd, as though they understood, and Arthur felt marginally better for having exposed himself like that.

“Well, Arthur,” Morgause continued, “I think you’ll find that many of us know how you feel. And our meetings and the added therapy sessions will help you along. I’ll give you a schedule before you leave tonight, and I’ll assign you a sponsor.  You’ll have his contact information should you need him.”

“Thanks,” Arthur replied, taking a seat between a woman who immediately started staring at Arthur’s crotch, and a man who had his coat strategically thrown over his lap.

Arthur endured several more testimonies before the meeting ended and he was able to take the schedule with the name and number of his sponsor written on it from Morgause and escape.

“Good luck,” she told him. “Call your sponsor any time day or night. That’s what he’s there for.”

Arthur bid her goodnight and slipped outside into the cool night. He looked down at the name written on the paper.

_Merlin Emrys._

“Well, Merlin. I hope you’re ready for me,” he said before hailing a cab and heading home.

 

When Arthur got to his flat, Gwaine sat in the living room reading the newspaper. He looked up, taking in Arthur’s subdued appearance and the piece of paper he clutched in his hand. “How’d it go?” Gwaine’s  elevated eyebrow made Arthur horny. He knew it was crazy, but, God help him, it did. It just looked so fucking sexy!

“Stop looking at me like that, Pendragon,” Gwaine ordered sternly.

“Sorry,” Arthur said, heaving a sigh and throwing himself down on the sofa. “It went okay. I got up in front of everyone, admitted I’m a horny bastard, and now I have to go to therapy sessions, and I have a sponsor.”

Gwaine gave him a soft smile. “I’m proud of you, Arthur. You did the right thing—this really was getting out of hand.”

Arthur bowed his head. “Sorry I wanked in your socks while watching a video of you in choir.”

“All’s forgiven.” Gwaine took a seat next to Arthur on the couch and patted his leg. Arthur gritted his teeth and thought of his great Aunt Lucy in a thong, trying to head off his impending erection. Gwaine sighed and got up.

“I’ve got a date tonight, so I’m heading for the shower. You be sure to call that bloke before you do anything like go on the pull or stick a potato up your arse.”

Arthur frowned. “I have never stuck a potato up my arse, Gwaine,” he said pompously.

“Let’s keep it that way.” Gwaine went into the bathroom, and Arthur heard him locking the door behind him.

The fact that Gwaine was beginning to feel uncomfortable living with Arthur was what had prompted Arthur to get help. (That and the fact that Gwaine insisted he had to or he’d be minus a flat mate.) He didn’t like what he’d become—someone who was always on the pull and always unsatisfied. The whole incident with the socks—it was really just a matter of the naughty elicit act of using Gwaine’s sock combined with the way Gwaine looked in his white choir robe singing in his mother’s church last autumn that had gotten Arthur wound up. It wasn’t as bad as it _sounded,_ and if Gwaine hadn’t walked in on it, it would’ve been fine because it never would’ve happened again. Probably. But Arthur couldn’t bear the thought of driving his best friend away because he was afraid of his clothes being molested, so he’d gone to the meeting.

Arthur heard Gwaine coming out of the bathroom and forced himself not to turn and try to get a glimpse of him in his towel. He looked down at the sponsor’s name again, wondering what Merlin Emrys was like and if he’d lecture Arthur when Arthur called him for help.

With a sigh, Arthur got up off the couch and went into his room to change into sweats and a T-shirt.

Gwaine called a goodbye to him before leaving the flat, and Arthur lay down on his bed, switching on his television, thinking the middle-aged man in the butter commercial looked pretty damned fit. Idly, Arthur wondered what his cock looked like.

 _Fuck._ He was going to have to stop thinking about sex! He turned the channel, but every single thing on the telly had something to do with sex or something that reminded him of sex. He threw his remote across the room, shouting, “No wonder I’m a fucking sex addict!” He stood up and began pacing the flat, eyeing Gwaine’s room and thinking about his sock drawer, but avoiding it. Gwaine had probably locked the door anyway.

“A potato, huh?” he thought, imagining the fullness of having one of those inside of him.

“Oi!” he smacked himself in the face. “Get a hold of yourself, Pendragon!”

Grabbing his mobile phone, he went for the piece of paper Morgause had given him and dialed the number of his sponsor.

“Hello?”

“Is this Merlin Emrys?”

“Yes it is. Who is this?”

“My name is Arthur. I’m, um, you’re my sponsor. Morgause Lansing gave me your number.”

“Oh! Right. From the group. Well, okay then. What can I do for you? I mean, are you calling to introduce yourself, or is there a problem I can help you with tonight?”

Arthur cleared his throat and sat down on the couch, feeling the blood rush into his face. The whole thing was so humiliating—having to call someone because he was always just so fucking horny!

“I’m…I’m sitting at home, and I’m having these urges.”

“Okay. Um. Okay, so are you thinking about doing something in particular? I mean, something you’ve done before? Is it something that would be unwise to do?”

“Unwise?”

Merlin, who sounded very calm but a little uncertain (had they given him a novice sponsor?), took a deep breath and said, “Some people with sex addictions do things they shouldn’t, such as hook up with multiple partners or participate in unsafe sex. They sometimes get into situations that could be dangerous. Are you thinking about doing any of those things?”

“Oh, no. I was actually just contemplating wanking in my flat mates’ sock. Or stuffing a potato in my arse.”

“Okay. Well, that’s not harmful, at least. But…you probably should wash the potato.”

Arthur groaned. “Why am I like this? Why do I think about sex all the time?”

“Perhaps you just need to get your mind on something else? Get some new hobbies and stuff.”

“I tried watching telly, but they just talked about sex. Plus the butter guy was really fit.”

“I’ve seen that advert! Is it the one on the boat?” Merlin  asked.

“Yeah. He’s tanned, and brunet. Blue swim trunks.”

“He really is fit, how could you _not_ notice!”

“I feel like I’m going crazy,” Arthur murmured after a pause.

“Look, do you want to meet for coffee?” Merlin offered. “Talk about some of this?”

“Couldn’t hurt, I guess,” Arthur said, relieved.

Merlin gave him the address of a nearby café and told him he’d meet him there in thirty minutes.

When Arthur ended the call, he felt marginally better. At least he was going to talk with someone who’d been there and back.

~~~OOO~~~                                                                                                     

Arthur didn’t know what to expect. Was Merlin some old guy who’d learned to overcome an addiction to porn or wearing ladies’ lingerie?  He didn’t sound old on the phone. When Arthur entered the coffee shop, he looked around. There were a couple of university blokes in the corner, lots of women, an older man or two. But nobody who really looked like he could be Merlin, and Arthur suddenly realized that he hadn’t told Merlin how to recognize him, either.  Maybe he should’ve put a bit of spunk on his face, he thought, smiling in spite of himself.

Arthur ordered a coffee and sat down, his back to the wall. Every time the door opened, his eyes moved that way, assessing.

An overweight man in grey sweats with beard stubble all over his jaw entered the shop, a newspaper tucked under his arm, and Arthur thought if that guy ended up being his sponsor, Arthur would probably be able to give up sex just by looking at him. The man didn’t even look around, however, but just ordered something and took a seat.

When a man in his late twenties/early thirties entered with black hair, pale skin, and beautiful blue eyes, Arthur hardly thought he looked the type to be a sex addiction sponsor. And it seemed the man must have thought Arthur didn’t look the part of a sex addict, for his eyes roved past him twice before finally settling on him. He tentatively approached.

“Arthur?” he asked with a mouth that immediately drew Arthur’s attention. So plump and wet.

Arthur stood, putting his hand out to shake. “Merlin, I take it,” he said.

“Right,” Merlin affirmed. “I’ll just order my coffee and join you in a moment.”

Arthur watched him move to the counter and order. Merlin had long fingers and thin hands that he used often when speaking. His cheekbones were high and sharp, and then there was that mouth-- lips so lush Arthur wanted to lick them, bite them, and most of all stick his cock between them. Arthur became hard just looking at Merlin, and he admonished himself for it. _Great, just what I need—a sponsor that gets me hard._

He decided to be honest from the get-go. After all, if Merlin was truly going to help him, Arthur needed to tell him what was going on.

“I called you because I can’t help myself—I’m about to go out and pull someone at a bar.”

“You did right to call me,” Merlin told him firmly. “You need to get your mind off it.”

Arthur shook his head. “I can’t get my mind off it. That’s the trouble. I tried, but I can’t.”

“Well, we’ll just sit here and have coffee until the urge leaves you,” Merlin told him with a reassuring smile. He took a sip of his coffee, and Arthur took a sip from his own cup.

“You have the most gorgeous lips,” Arthur told Merlin after a moment.

“Er, thanks?” Merlin scratched the back of his neck.

Arthur couldn’t drag his eyes away from them. They were gorgeous. Merlin ducked his head a little, trying to catch Arthur’s gaze.

“Arthur?”

“Oh, yeah. Sorry.”

“Why don’t you tell me what got you to seek help.”

Arthur took a breath, licked his lips, and started down at his coffee cup. “Well, my flat mate, Gwaine, got annoyed with me for wanking in his sock.”

Merlin obviously tried to school his features, but Arthur could tell he was shocked and maybe just a little amused. “Oh. Well, I see. So you decided you needed to get yourself under control, yeah?”

“I didn’t want Gwaine to move out,” Arthur replied feeling antsy.

“Okay. I’m sure once you start going to the therapy sessions, you’ll feel more in control, but until then, you have me.”

Arthur tried not to look predatory, he really did. But there was Merlin, looking so fit and hot and pretty much offering his services…

Merlin obviously read Arthur’s mind. “You have me to _talk_ to,” he clarified.

“Oh. Right.”

“Look, I’m going to the loo. I’ll be right back.”

Arthur watched Merlin walk across the room, trying not to stare at his arse. He sighed and looked around, his eyes settling on a man standing nearby, waiting for his coffee.

He was tall, dark-headed, and fit. And he was looking Arthur’s way. Arthur smiled, and the man smiled back. Coffee in hand, the man walked over to Arthur.

“Hello, I’m Brian,” he said.

“Arthur,” Arthur offered his hand. Brian’s lingered a bit longer than normal. Leaning on the table, he brought his face close to Arthur’s.

“What do you say we go out for something a little stronger than coffee?” There was promise in the man’s eyes.

“Okay,” Arthur replied, because he was weak, so weak. He stood, picked up the napkin by Merlin’s drink and scribbled on it, _sorry, had to go_.

 

Merlin stared at himself in the mirror of the coffeehouse bathroom. He wondered if his lips were really as enthralling as Arthur Pendragon made them out to be.

 _Of course not, you idiot. The man’s a sex addict! He probably loves everyone’s mouth!_ Frowning, he washed his hands. He was this man’s sponsor, and even if Arthur was the most gorgeous bloke Merlin had ever met, Merlin had to help him get through this difficult time. With a sigh, he left the bathroom.

Merlin stopped in his tracks, blinking as he looked about the coffee house. It was crowded, but he definitely did not see Arthur. He went to their table, glancing about to see if he had moved to another one.

Their coffee cups were still there, along with a napkin that had something scribbled on it.

“What the fuck?” Merlin read the note and made a dash out the door, looking first one way and then the other. He caught a flash of movement at the corner and ran down the street, just in time to see Arthur entering a pub.

When Merlin finally got there himself, he had to crane his neck to see around all the milling people.  The place was packed, and Arthur was nowhere in sight. Loud music with a thumping bass drowned out the conversations around him as Merlin meandered in and out of the throng.

“Excuse me. Pardon me. Excuse me.” Merlin elbowed his way through the crowd, searching for a glimpse of Arthur’s blond hair. Finally, he spotted him in a corner snogging some guy.

“Arthur!” Merlin put his hand on Arthur’s shoulder and shook him.

Arthur reluctantly pulled away, staring up at Merlin with an expression that sent all of Merlin’s blood down to his cock. Merlin grabbed Arthur’s arm and tugged him hard. When the brunet Arthur had been snogging objected, Merlin told him to fuck off. “Who pulls in a coffee house?” he asked with disdain.

“You his mother?” the guy asked before giving him the two-fingered salute and walking away.

“Where’re we going?” Arthur asked, stumbling through the crowd after Merlin, his elbow firmly in Merlin’s grip.

“I’m taking you home.” Merlin shoved Arthur outside into the cool night air. “What in the hell did you leave me for?” he demanded.

“Well, that guy in there…” Arthur ran his hand through his hair.

“ _That guy?_ You don’t even know his name, do you!” Merlin accused.

“I –I think it was Peter. Or was it Dick?” Arthur pretended to give it some thought.

Merlin rolled his eyes. “Come on. Show me where you live.”

When they got to Arthur’s flat, Merlin put some tea on and sat down with Arthur on the couch. “I know it isn’t easy, Arthur, but you have to have a little willpower, yeah?” He was really beginning to regret volunteering to be a sponsor.

“I know,” Arthur hung his head. “Will you stay here tonight? Just in case I try to go out again?” Arthur looked at Merlin with such open appeal that Merlin couldn’t refuse him.

That’s how Merlin came to be awakened five times that night. Three times by Arthur waking him up, telling him he had the urge to go out, and twice by Arthur trying to sneak out and tripping over the pile of things Merlin had left near the front door. By morning, both men looked the worse for wear.

“I’m sorry, Merlin,” Arthur told him over coffee. “I just really need it.”

“You don’t need it, Arthur. You want it.”

“What’s the difference?”

“You have some control. You just need to tap into it. Look, I’ll go to the next few meetings with you. You’ll get through this, Arthur. I’ll help you.” Merlin put his hand on Arthur’s, and Arthur nodded.

 

 

                                                                                ~~~OOO~~~     

Merlin had to go home, of course he did. He didn’t live with Arthur, after all. Arthur took a deep breath after seeing Merlin to the door and went about straightening up the kitchen. He rinsed the coffee cups, emptied the trash, and took his morning vitamins that Morgana had insisted he start taking when he turned twenty-five. His sister was a real health nut and drove him crazy in a million different ways, but he loved her all the same. He hadn't told her about his problem, not wanting to worry her, but she'd recently begun to notice he was avoiding her. Pretty soon and, knowing Morgana, she would ambush Arthur and make him spill.

After that, Arthur did three loads of laundry. It had gotten to the point where he didn’t have any clean underwear, so it had to be done. Spotting a pair of Gwaine’s boxer-briefs that had somehow ended up in Arthur’s basket, Arthur fought off the urge to pull down his sweats and using them to wank . He took a deep breath, wondering how in the hell he’d ever hit this low. Thank God he had a therapy session that afternoon. He looked forward to feeling a part of a group who all had the same trouble and understood one another. He wanted to feel less of a freak.

Arthur made it through all the laundry without jerking himself off, and he took a cab to his session, where he sat in a group of twelve listening to people talk about their urges. Some were cheating on spouses, and a few were doing some pretty kinky things---way more extreme than wanking in socks. Arthur felt himself growing more and more uncomfortable while at the same time getting more and more horny listening to some of their exploits.

While a woman described an on-going fantasy she’d had about getting it on in a bank vault, Arthur wondered what Merlin was doing. He liked Merlin—he was caring, open, and pretty much everything Arthur would normally want in a relationship, but Arthur was unable to think about that because for the past six months he’d been able to concentrate on nothing  but his all-consuming urge for sex. If he hadn’t been employed by his father’s firm, he’d probably have been fired by now for all the times he’d left early to pull and come in late after a pull. All of Arthur’s friends were concerned about him, at least the ones who’d stuck around. There were many who now avoided Arthur like the plague.

Arthur realized that the leader of the group, a small woman called Freya, had asked him a question.

“What?” Arthur blinked at her.

“I’d like you to talk about your problem a little bit, if you would, Arthur,” Freya told him.  The other members of the group watched him expectantly.

“Oh. Okay. Well, I’ve just had this incredible urge for sex for the past six months or so. I want it all the time.” He swallowed, trying to find words to express how he felt. “I need it like air. It matters more than anything else.” He could feel tears stinging his eyes and fought for control. He did not want to cry here.

“No, it doesn’t, Arthur, or you wouldn’t be here,” Freya pointed out.

Arthur nodded, pressing his lips tightly together and fighting back the shame that overwhelmed him.

“We all understand where you’re coming from,” Freya said, and the others nodded.

A man called Cenred leaned forward. “I’ve been feeling this way ever since I hit puberty. I’ve looked at dirty magazines, watched porn…when I was in high school, I was with a different girl practically every night.”

Arthur nodded, but he couldn’t really relate to that because he hadn’t done any of that stuff. He’d been very into sports in school and had hardly ever thought about porn. He’d dated some, but he’d known he preferred men, and high school wasn’t the ideal place to pursue that.

“I wanked all the time,” Cenred continued. “I wanked myself raw, in fact. I’d even do it when I was in public. I mean, I’d hide what I was doing, but I found the fact that I was in public exciting.”

Arthur schooled his features, not wanting to show how weird he found that to be. Sure, he wanked a lot, but not in _public_ for Christ’s sake! That was just gross. He always found a private place to get himself off.

Marcia, an older woman with thick, auburn hair and tortoise shell glasses that matched her blouse nodded her head. “I’ve done that, too. Until recently, I wasn’t able to control it, but it’s getting better.”

“That’s good,” Freya said.

Several of the people in the group admitted to having been sexually molested as a kid. Arthur listened to their stories with horror. One common thread they all had was that their addiction had built up since they were younger. Everyone’s except Arthur’s, that is.

As Arthur left, walking rather than taking a cab back to his flat, he thought about everything he’d heard and wondered why his story was so different. It bothered him that, in a place where he should have felt akin to people, he’d been left out and felt alone.

                                                                                                ~~~OOO~~~

Merlin went with Arthur to the meeting the following evening, as he’d promised. He sat beside Arthur as someone new stood at the podium, introducing herself, and telling about how, for her, sex was all about filling a part of herself that was empty. Merlin watched Arthur carefully as he listened to everything the woman said. There were several new people there that evening, and they all had stories to share. When the gathering wrapped up, and people were putting on their coats, Morgause made her way over to them.

“Merlin! So good to see you here.” She hugged him. “We are always happy to have our sponsors at the meetings.”

Merlin smiled. “I wanted to be here for Arthur.”

“That’s wonderful! And thank you so much for becoming a sponsor. I don’t think I’ve seen you since your recovery, but I’ve been across down for the past year and a half.”

“Well, you helped me out, so I’m more than glad to help others,” Merlin replied easily.

He could feel Arthur’s eyes on him. “You’re a sex addict?” he asked, his brows coming down. “Really?”

“Well, of course, Arthur,” Morgause turned to him, “all our sponsors have been exactly where you are now. That’s what makes them able to help you.”

Merlin couldn’t read the expression on Arthur’s face. It looked a bit like disappointment, but Merlin wasn’t sure why that would be.

Morgause put a hand on Arthur’s arm. “I know you went to group therapy yesterday, but if you feel you need one-on-one, I can give you a list of references.”

Arthur gave a short nod but didn’t say anything. Once they were outside, Merlin suggested they walk through a nearby park. The sun had set and the evening was pleasantly warm for late winter. A dense fog hung low, shrouding the landscape and giving average things an air of mystery. Not many people were about as it was the dinner hour. They didn’t speak for a long time, and finally Merlin broke the silence.

“I get the feeling that you aren’t happy that I’m a recovered sex addict.”

Arthur seemed to snap out of deep thoughts. “What? Oh. I suppose I should have figured that out, but I hadn’t. I was just surprised, that’s all.”

Merlin wondered if Arthur was embarrassed because Merlin knew his story yet Arthur didn’t know Merlin’s.

“It’s important that I understand where you’re coming from,” he said carefully. “But I guess you need to understand where I’m coming from, too.”

“You seem to have it so together,” Arthur replied.

“I do now, but that’s not the way it always was,” Merlin told him. “When I was growing up, I always knew I preferred boys to girls, but it scared me. My father died when I was a baby, and I didn’t really have a father figure. I think that’s why my mother invited her brother, Gaylord, to come stay with us one summer. I was about thirteen.” Merlin looked over at Arthur, but his face showed nothing of what he was thinking.

“Gaylord was gay and didn’t try to hide it. He had plenty of blokes over when Mum was at work. She was a nurse and often worked nights. She had no idea Gaylord had these men over, or she would’ve freaked. Gaylord told me I’d better not tell, or else.”

Arthur glanced at him then. “He threatened to hurt you?”

 

Merlin shrugged. “Actually, I never knew what ‘or else’ meant. The threat was enough to scare me into silence. Point is, I was already the nervous sort, and having Gaylord there only made me more so. I could hear everything he did in his room with his conquests, and the fact that I was entering puberty made me very interested, yet also ashamed to feel that way. There was this other boy at school, Will, whom I hung out with a bit, and we began fooling around a little…and then a lot. Way more than kids our age should, because, thanks to my uncle, I knew all kinds of shit a thirteen-year-old shouldn’t normally know.” Merlin played with the hem of his shirt, remembering. “One night Gaylord caught us together, and he seemed to think it really funny. I heard him telling his lover-of- the- week about it later that night, and the next day, Gaylord gave me some really raunchy reading material. I kept it hidden from Mum, of course.  It was only a matter of time before I’d tired of that and began looking at internet porn.”

Arthur directed them to a bench and they sat down. An owl hooted somewhere above them, and sounds of muted laughter reached them from the other side of the park. Something rustled in the bushes before scampering away.

“I hope you aren’t going to tell me that your uncle molested you,” Arthur said earnestly. “I’ve heard a lot of stories like that lately, but I don’t think I could handle one from you.”

“No, no,” Merlin hurried to assure him. “Gaylord never touched me. The only part he played in my story was introducing me very early to homosexual sex. When I started high school, I was at a point of very high anxiety."

He glanced at Arthur. "You can probably tell just by looking at me that I’m not the sporty type, and going to gym class scared the piss out of me. There were some very fit jocks in my class, and while they only teased me a little, I was very aware of their naked bodies in the locker room. Will and I had stopped messing around, and I missed it like crazy. I’d found that all the anxiety I had about making good marks and living up to what my mother hoped for me seemed to be relieved by sexual release.

Wanking by myself had lost its appeal long ago, and I began really paying attention to the kids around me, wondering who else might be gay. Either there weren’t many, or they were well in the closet.”

Merlin could feel Arthur watching him with interest. Merlin hadn’t told his story in a long time, and he was happy to do it if helped Arthur, but it wasn’t easy. Even after all the therapy he’d been through, there was still some shame attached to it. When he faltered, he felt Arthur’s hand on his arm, strong and reassuring.

“Well, so since Gaylord had gone back to Ireland, and Mum was still working nights, I found myself on my own a lot. I started lurking in chat rooms, then eventually meeting people that way.” Arthur’s grip tightened on his arm. “I know! I know.” Merlin shook his head. “So stupid and dangerous. So many awful things could have happened. I was lucky, really, but by the time I was fifteen, I was having sex with multiple guys…sometimes older guys. Men. Every time I did it, I felt terrible, but while it was happening…all my cares went away. I felt important, happy even.

 

Things worsened when I went off to uni. I’d managed to get scholarships, but my activities made it difficult for me to keep them. The fear of failure and disappointing my mum is what drove me to get help. I’ve been recovered for almost five years.”

“Am I the first person you’ve sponsored?” Arthur asked.

“The third.” Merlin turned on the bench to look at him. “It’s going to be okay, Arthur. Really it is. Things may seem bleak now, but they’ll get better.”

Arthur looked down at his lap. “Thanks for telling me. I mean, I know everybody shares at the meetings, but you didn’t really have to.”

“I want to help you.” Merlin watched Arthur’s face. “Arthur, will you tell me exactly what’s bothering you? You seem very subdued tonight.”

Merlin watched, silently waiting as Arthur clenched and unclenched his fists, all manner of emotion playing over his features.

“I just don’t seem to fit the criteria of the rest of you. I mean, I…I never had these problems before.” He agitatedly ran his hands through his hair.

Merlin put a hand on his shoulder. “It’s okay. Everyone’s different. What are you feeling right now?”

Arthur licked his lips, which were berry-red at the moment. Merlin pushed that thought away, annoyed with himself for being attracted to someone he needed to help.

“I—God, Merlin, I just—I feel afraid.” Arthur's jaw tightened. “And I don’t like that. I’m almost never afraid. And I feel vulnerable.”

Merlin nodded. “That’s understandable.”

Arthur breathed in, looking up into the dark, foggy tree tops. “And, hell! I’m fucking _horny_! I can’t help it. If you asked me to fuck you right here, right now, I’d do it. If you wanted to bend me over this bench and screw the hell out of me, I’d let you!” He squeezed his eyes shut. “What’s wrong with me? I didn’t used to be this way!”

Arthur’s words had gone straight to Merlin’s groin, and he fought for control of it. Merlin truly had recovered. He no longer felt the need to have sex to release his anxiety or prove something to himself. But he was a man, and he was attracted to Arthur. Hearing the things Arthur wanted to do with him made Merlin hard and a bit crazy. He struggled to find the strength he needed. Arthur was obviously hurting, and Merlin was determined to help him.

 

“Come on, let’s go back to mine for some tea, yeah?” he said softly. “Everything’s going to be all right, Arthur.”

“I feel like such a freak!” Arthur said, his voice hoarse and his eyes shining wetly.

“You’re not. You’re going to get control of yourself, and your life’s going to get back to normal. Perhaps you should consider some one-on-one therapy…”

Arthur turned away, and Merlin decided not to push. He waited a moment for Arthur to get a hold of his emotions, and then stood. “Let’s go get a cab to mine.” Arthur got up and nodded, following him out of the park.

                                                                                                ~~~OOO~~~

Arthur didn’t know whether he felt better or worse after having talked with Merlin in the park. He did know, however, that Merlin’s very presence helped Arthur to try to deal with his issues. He hadn’t liked hearing what Merlin had struggled through, though. When he’d thought that Merlin was going to tell him that his uncle had touched him inappropriately, Arthur had felt himself tensing up, ready to jump up and go find the man. He’d been surprised at the intensity of his feelings. He wasn’t exactly sure what they meant.

On the cab ride to Merlin’s, Arthur’s phone buzzed in his pocket. Looking at the screen, he saw that it was Morgana. He wasn’t exactly in the mood to talk to her, but he answered anyway, knowing she wouldn’t let up if he didn’t.

“Arthur, hello! It’s about time you stopped avoiding me.” Morgana sounded in good spirits.

“I haven’t been avoiding you; don’t be ridiculous.” Arthur glanced at Merlin, who gave him a smile.

“Well, I would really like to get together with you. Guess who’s visiting me for a couple of weeks?”

“Who?” Arthur asked, turning his head and watching the scenery go by outside the cab.

“Nimueh!”

Arthur tensed. “And what makes you think I care to know about that?”

Morgana sighed. “Arthur, you dated her. She wants to be friends.”

“Well, I don’t. She insulted me.”

“Only because you hurt her.”

“Morgana, if all you want to talk about is Nimueh Stevens, then I’m hanging up.”

“You are so stubborn! Fine, I’ll call you tonight.” She disconnected.

 

“Always has to get in the last work, does my sister,” Arthur said, putting his phone back into his pocket.

“Sounds like you weren’t happy with what she was saying,” Merlin commented. The cab pulled up in front of his building, and he handed the driver a few bills. On the lift up, Arthur leaned his head against the wall and sighed.

“A year ago my sister Morgana fixed me up with a friend of hers, and things didn’t work out. Now she insists that Nimueh wants to be friends with me, but I just can’t forget the things she said to me when we broke up.”

They exited the lift and walked down the hall.

"She basically had a tantrum when I told her that I wanted to end things, even though we'd only been together a couple of weeks," Arthur told him, watching as Merlin unlocked his door. "I'd really only gone out with her as a favor to Morgana, since Nim kept pestering her about it. I knew I preferred blokes."

Merlin’s flat was in a decent building only about a twenty minute walk from Arthur’s.  It had two bedrooms and a nice view of a wooded area.

"There are some women who don't take very kindly to being dumped," Merlin replied philosophically. He hung up their coats and told Arthur to make himself comfortable while he made them some tea.

Arthur looked around, absently touching himself through his pants. When he realized what he was doing, he jerked his hand away. “I’m like a dog in heat,” he groaned, just as Merlin brought the tea in. Merlin chuckled.

“You’re not that bad.”

“Yeah, I am,” Arthur turned to him, showing him the obvious hard-on in his pants. Merlin swallowed, placing their cups on the coffee table.

“I am perpetually hard, Merlin,” Arthur told him. “Even when I’m not thinking about sex, my body wants it.”

Merlin sat down on the couch. “Do you think it could be something medical?”

Arthur sighed, pacing the room. “I don’t know.” He stopped, looking up at the ceiling and cursing. “I’m going crazy!”

“Hey, now, Arthur,” Merlin was immediately at his side. “We’ll figure this out.”

In his agitation, Arthur began breathing hard, his face going red. He wanted to grab Merlin and fuck him, but he had too much respect for him to do that. “I’ve got to go,” he announced, heading for the door. Merlin grabbed him by the arm.

 

“Where are you going?”

“I’ve got to take care of this,” Arthur waved his hand over the general area of his swollen groin.

“So you’re going to, what?” Merlin asked, hands on hips. “Go somewhere to wank? You can do that here, Arthur. I have a bathroom.”

“I’m not going to wank in your bathroom with you out here knowing what I’m doing!” Arthur looked at him, appalled.

“So you’re going to go to where… McDonalds? And wank in their bathroom while kids and their dads are in there?” Merlin asked reasonably. “Or run home and grab your flat mate’s sock?”

Arthur squeezed his eyes shut. “Damn it! I don’t want to wank at all! But I have to have a release. It—it fucking _hurts_ it’s so hard!”

Merlin pointed at the bathroom. “Arthur, if you don’t go in there and have at it, I’m going to jerk you off myself. There’s no point in you being miserable, and this is the safest place for you to do it. I’m not going to judge you, for Christ’s sake!”

Arthur’s mouth dropped open, and he stared, wishing for a moment that Merlin would put his hands on him. With a heart-felt groan, he abruptly turned, walked into the bathroom, and shut the door behind him.

Merlin tried not to listen, he really did. And he knew Arthur was attempting to be quiet about it; he could tell by the muffled moaning that sounded like Arthur’ had his face buried in a towel. It made Merlin hard, listening to him. So hard, that he found himself slipping his hand into his pants and stroking himself while he stood in the hallway. As Arthur’s grunts and groans became more intense, Merlin’s hand moved faster over his growing member. Three little gasps on Arthur’s side of the door sent Merlin over the edge. He was barely able to get himself into the kitchen on wobbly legs and wash himself off before a sheepish-looking Arthur came out of the bathroom.

“Better?” Merlin asked, his voice embarrassingly hoarse. He turned away quickly, not wanting to see Arthur’s just-climaxed look. He didn’t think he could take it.

“Yeah. For now,” Arthur said sullenly, throwing himself on the couch and crossing his arms over his chest.

Merlin sat down on a chair opposite him. “Tell me about your past relationships. Maybe we can glean some understanding from them.”

Arthur rubbed his hands over his face. “I’ve been with girls and guys. More guys than girls, though. The relationships with the guys lasted longer. I’ve only dated a few since I started feeling this way…they ended up leaving the relationship because all I wanted was sex.”

“Were you in love with any of them?” Merlin asked.

“No.” Arthur shook his head. “And I felt badly for using them. So I started going out on the pull, picking up one-night-stands. And even though I’m always cautious, it scares me. I’ve had myself tested twice in the past six months. I’m afraid I’m going to start getting careless. When the urge hits me, it’s just so hard to stop and get the condom. If I were ever to forget one, I’m afraid I’d just give in and bareback.”

“No,” Merlin shook his head emphatically, “we don’t want that to happen. You must stay on top of this, Arthur. I’m here for you when you get that way.”

Arthur looked dubious. “Unless you plan to be my boy toy and service me all day long, I don’t see how you’re going to help.”

Merlin ignored that tempting option and asked, “What was going on in your life when this happened? You said it didn’t build over the years, but just came on around six months ago?”

“Yeah. I—I can’t think of anything specific that was going on. I wasn’t in a relationship at all. I worked a lot of hours, I know that. I got a little run down and started going to the gym and stuff. I remember getting really turned on by some of the guys there and letting my trainer suck me off in the locker room one evening.”

Merlin’s mouth went dry. “Oh.”

“And then I met Percy, who was such a nice guy.” Arthur looked down at his lap. “He deserved more than he got from me. He was so big and muscular—I wanted it all the time with him. He finally dumped me after I accompanied him to his sister’s wedding and then tried to get him to fuck me in the bathroom at the reception.”

Merlin tried not to show any surprise at this admission. He kept his expression neutral and simply nodded his head for Arthur to go on.

“Then I dated Leon. I really liked him, but again, the sex took over. Leon was pretty highly sexed himself, but he didn’t want to do it five times a day the way I did.”

“ _Five_?” Merlin asked, his eyes wide in spite of himself.

Arthur nodded, indicating his crotch, and Merlin looked down to see that it was hardening again even though Arthur had just had his release in the bathroom. Arthur looked so upset, Merlin wanted to do something to help. He wished he had the answer Arthur needed.

“And there was the night that Leon woke up to find me riding him…” Arthur began, and Merlin held up a hand.

“Okay. I get it. You’re insatiable. The question is, why?”

Arthur shrugged. “It feels like it came on suddenly…like some kind of disease. And now it’s taken over every aspect of my life to where I’ve lost friends over it. Gwaine’s practically the last one I have, and it was the thought of losing him that made me agree to go to the meetings. But Merlin, I don’t know if they’re going to help.” He stood up abruptly. “I have to go.”

Merlin jumped to his feet as if to stop him.

“No, Merlin,” Arthur said softly. “I can’t wank all night. It isn’t enough, anyway.”

 Merlin swallowed tightly. “Think about something else…let’s play a game.”

“A game?” Arthur made a face.

“Yeah.” Merlin got Monopoly off the shelf and set it up. Arthur sat back down on the couch, looking dubious but willing to try.

They chose pieces and began playing. Merlin turned the television on for background noise, keeping  it safely on the news station.

Mid-way through the game, which had turned out to be pretty fun, Arthur’s phone rang.

“Morgana again,” he told Merlin before answering it. The conversation was short, and Merlin spent the time rearranging his play money. When Arthur hung up, he sighed theatrically.

“She’s convinced me to have lunch with her and Nimueh tomorrow. Will you come along?”

Merlin raised his brows. “You really want me to?”

“Yeah, please. I’m just uncomfortable around Nim.”

“I don’t mind coming. But are you hoping she’ll think we’re…together? That way?”

Arthur looked surprised. “No, I wasn’t thinking about that at all, but Merlin—you’re a genius! That’s how I’ll keep her off my back! If she thinks we’re dating, she won’t try to get back with me.” Arthur’s smile was so genuine and beautiful, Merlin couldn’t refuse him.

Besides, pretending to be Arthur’s boyfriend would be no hardship.

Arthur spent the night. Merlin couldn’t let him go home because he couldn’t bear the thought of Arthur going on the pull. It was dangerous.

 And Merlin just didn’t like the idea.

Merlin put Arthur in his guest room and made him swear to wake him up if he had the urge to leave. He was tempted to give him a sleeping pill, but refrained. If Arthur asked for one, he would, but he wasn’t going to just drug the man so he’d stay put.

Sometime in the night, Merlin heard Arthur. Merlin had never properly gone to sleep, since he was worried about Arthur sneaking out. He knew he was Arthur’s sponsor, not his keeper and shouldn’t be so wrapped up in his life like he was, but somehow Merlin couldn’t help it.  It hadn’t been this way with the other two people he’d sponsored, but he hadn’t had any particular feelings for them. With Arthur, he seemed to have plenty of feelings.

When Merlin heard Arthur rustling around through the thin walls of his flat, he got out of bed and crept into the hallway, peering into the guest room where Arthur was supposed to be sleeping. Arthur was indeed in bed, but he was restless. Merlin crept in quietly, for Arthur appeared to be asleep, his cheek pressed to the pillow.

“Arthur?” Merlin asked quietly when the blond twitched on the bed. He didn’t answer, but rolled over, an impressive hard-on peeking through his under shorts.

“Good lord,” Merlin breathed. He knew it was the reason for the frown on Arthur’s sleeping face, and the way he was sort of thrusting into the air. Merlin knew it had to hurt. It made him heart sick that Arthur couldn’t even rest at night due to his raging libido.  He reached out and put a hand on Arthur’s shoulder, trying to soothe him, and Arthur made a noise so pitiful that Merlin sat on the side of the bed and took him in his hand before he could change his mind.

Arthur gasped, but didn’t waken. Firmly, Merlin began to move his hand, trying not to think about how hot and silky smooth the skin of Arthur’s cock felt or how Arthur pushed into his hand eagerly. Merlin desperately wanted to put his mouth on Arthur, but it felt too weird with Arthur asleep as he was. He just kept tugging gently, brushing his thumb over the tip, until Arthur climaxed, spurting cum over Merlin’s hand.

The easy, satisfied smile on Arthur’s face as he settled into the mattress made Merlin glad he had done it, unethical as it was. Pulling his T-shirt off, Merlin wiped off his fingers and Arthur’s cock before tucking him back into his shorts. He returned to his own room and finally fell into a fitful sleep.

The following morning, Arthur didn’t seem to remember anything about Merlin’s middle of the night hand job, but Merlin couldn’t forget it.

“Man, I slept well last night,” Arthur commented over breakfast. Merlin raised a brow but said nothing, instead asking Arthur if he would like more eggs.

They talked about the weather and Arthur gave Merlin directions to the restaurant where they were to meet his sister and his ex-girlfriend. Merlin saw him out, then wanked furiously in the shower while thinking about Arthur’s hot cock in his hand.

Spent and utterly freaked about the up-coming lunch date, Merlin picked out one of his nicest outfits and spent twenty minutes on his hair. He didn’t know why he was so nervous—he and Arthur were only pretending to be a couple, after all. He really should be more worried that Arthur would go on the pull while they were out.

 

Since he was ready an hour early, Merlin sat down at his lap top to research a little bit, looking up high libido in men, sudden high libido in men, and similar wordings. By the time he looked at the clock again, he was running late. Grabbing his jacket, he sped out of the flat, took the stairs and began flailing around for a taxi as soon as he hit the pavement.

He ended up fifteen minutes late and charged into the posh restaurant like a crazy person. He immediately spotted Arthur seated toward the back of the restaurant just as Arthur saw him and stood.

“I am so sorry,” Merlin gushed when he’d reached them, just stopping himself from flinching  in surprise when Arthur kissed his cheek. “I had a terrible time hailing a cab.” He sat down in the empty seat next to Arthur.

“Merlin, this is my sister Morgana, and her friend Nimueh.”

Morgana was a beautiful woman with long, dark hair and very green eyes. She was dressed impeccably and, although she smiled and shook his hand, the look she gave him was measuring. Nimueh was also very attractive with coloring similar to Morgana’s, but her eyes were a deep, dark blue. Merlin didn’t think he’d ever been around two such beautiful women, and if he weren’t gay they would probably have made him very nervous. As it was, only Arthur’s presence made his stomach hurt and palms sweat.

Everyone greeted one another, and Merlin noticed Nimueh staring at him with an undisguised venom that took him by surprise at its intensity.  Arthur took Merlin’s hand in his, and Merlin was glad he’d wiped it on his pants leg just a moment before.

“So how have you been, Nim?” Arthur asked. “Morgana has been monopolizing the conversation, as usual.”

Morgana rolled her eyes.

“I’ve been well, Arthur, and you?” Nimueh narrowed her sapphire-colored eyes.

“Splendid,” Arthur lied, and Merlin was amazed at how together Arthur appeared when Merlin knew what a mess he really was.

“Is that right?” Nimueh tilted her head. “You seem about bit off to me.”

Arthur averted his eyes.

The waiter appeared and everyone turned their attention to the menus. When they’d ordered, Morgana asked Arthur if he’d been taking his vitamins.

“You look so much better, really,” she told him. “I’m sure they had something to do with perking you up a bit.”

Arthur turned to Merlin. “My sister insisted I begin taking vitamins last summer when I got so run down.” He took a sip of water. “I must say, they have helped me to feel better, along with going to the gym. I suppose she has a good idea now and again.” He smiled at Morgana.

 

“Actually,” Morgana began, but Nimueh cut her off.

“Arthur, they have dancing in the next room, would you mind taking a turn on the floor with me? As I recall, you’re a wonderful dancer.”

Merlin felt Arthur’s thigh jerk beside him. He knew Arthur didn’t want to risk dancing with the woman, for even though he didn’t care for her in the least, his raging hormones were sure to act up. Merlin put his arm around Arthur, leaning his head on his shoulder.

“I’d prefer it if you didn’t,” Merlin said, surprising himself. “I’m a little possessive, sorry.”

Merlin caught Arthur’s smirk beside him as he slipped his arm around Merlin’s waist and squeezed him to his side. “It’s true. Merlin likes me to stay close to him.”

Nimueh scowled into her wine.

“My, my, Arthur, when did all this start up with you and Merlin? You haven’t mentioned him to me before,” Morgana said.

“I don’t tell you everything, dear sister.” Arthur buried his nose in Merlin’s hair, just over his ear, and Merlin tried to contain the shiver than ran through him. “I wanted to keep this between us for a while.”

“You could have left Merlin home today, and we’d never have been the wiser,” Nimueh pointed out, and Merlin wanted to kick her. What a bitch!

“We go everywhere together,” Merlin told her, resisting the urge to stick out his tongue.

“Do you live together?” Morgana asked.

“May as well,” Arthur replied. “We’re always at one or the other of our flats.”

The food arrived and Merlin played things up by feeding Arthur bits off his plate and wiping his chin with his napkin. He could tell Nimueh was fuming, and Merlin secretly reveled in it. He gave her an evil smile as Arthur nibbled on his ear.

“Oh my God, get a room, you two!” Morgana finally huffed. “You obviously aren’t having enough sex if you can’t keep your hands off one another in a public place!”

Merlin could feel Arthur’s arousal soaring at her words, and he noticed Nimueh’s eyes sparkling. He didn’t like or trust the woman, and he felt suddenly and overwhelmingly protective of Arthur.

When Arthur excused himself to go to the bathroom and Nimueh looked as though she would follow, Merlin quickly engaged her in conversation, asking her where she got her exquisite dress, who styled her hair, how she and Morgana knew each other.

“What is taking Arthur so long?” Nimueh finally asked when Merlin allowed her to catch her breath.

“He has been gone an awfully long time,” Morgana said, craning her neck toward the restrooms. Merlin got up.

“I’ll go see about him.” He quickly wound his way around the tables toward the back.

“Arthur?” Merlin shouldered past a man leaving the men’s room and began looking under stall doors.

“Arthur, I see your feet,” he said when he reached the last stall. “They’re wondering where you are. Come out.”

Arthur opened the door. “I can’t come out like this.”

Merlin’s eyes traveled down, focusing on the large bulge in Arthur’s pants.

“Oh.”

“Right.”

“Did you try…”

“Yep. I just can’t do it.”

“I’ll tell them you’re not feeling well,” Merlin said. “That you’re throwing up. You go out the side door and carry your suit coat in front of you.”

Arthur nodded, his eyes grateful.

Merlin made his way back to the table. “Something Arthur ate didn’t agree with him. He’s been puking his guts out in the toilet.”

Morgana frowned, and Nimueh stopped chewing. “Thanks for the visual.”

“I’m taking him home. He’ll give you a call, Morgana. Nice to meet you two!” Merlin realized too late that he was leaving them with the bill, but he figured Arthur would settle up with Morgana later.

He found Arthur at the side of the restaurant looking harried. “Let’s get you home,” Merlin said fondly, taking him by the arm.

“Do you want me to stay with you tonight, Arthur?” Merlin asked when the cab dropped them off in front of Arthur’s building.

“No, no. You’ve done enough.”   Arthur smiled at him, and Merlin’s heart flipped. “Thank you,” he said sincerely. “Not just for all the things you’ve done to help me with my problem, but for tonight.  It was really great taking the piss out of Nimueh. You really played the part well.”

Merlin smiled widely. “You made it easy.”

Arthur looked like he wanted to say or _do_ something, and Merlin really wanted to know what, but the moment passed and Arthur waved goodbye, disappearing into his building. Merlin decided to walk home—it was a nice night, and not too foggy. Before he’d taken three steps, he heard a car door slam and then his name.

He turned to see Morgana standing a few feet from him as a cab pulled away from the curb.

“Not staying with my brother tonight?” she asked, and Merlin suddenly felt caught out. He reminded himself that she had no reason to know they’d been fooling her, and replied easily, “Since Arthur isn’t feeling well and just wants to sleep, I thought I’d go home and catch up on my laundry. I’ll check on him later.”

“That’s what I was about to do,” she said. “I was a bit worried. I left Nimueh at my place.” She looked about. “Listen, mind if we talk a moment?”

Unease curled about Merlin, but he couldn’t exactly refuse her. They found a bench and sat down.

“How long have you and Arthur been together?” Morgana asked, and Merlin wished fervently that they’d discussed this more. He decided to try to stick as close to the truth as possible.

“Not long,” he replied.

“You’re awfully close,” she noted.

“Yeah, we are.” Merlin wasn’t going to make this interrogation easy.

“I’m worried about him,” Morgana surprised him by saying.

“Yeah?” Merlin watched her face.

She nodded. “He’s not been himself, but he won’t tell me what’s up. We used to do a lot together, but for quite a while now he’s been avoiding me, although he denies that. It used to be he worked too much, but now Father says he’s doing the opposite.” She pursed her lips. “I thought maybe it was you…I mean, your new relationship, but…”

Merlin bit his lip. He couldn’t tell Morgana about Arthur’s real problem, so what was he supposed to say?

“You’ll have to talk to Arthur,” he finally said. “If he wants to confide in you, he will.”

Morgana tensed. “So there is something wrong. Is he all right?”

“He’ll be fine.” He decided to be frank. “I don’t think it helps, though, when you try to get him to date people like Nimueh. He really doesn’t like her.”

Morgana sighed. “Don’t be jealous, Merlin, he obviously wants you. Besides, I wasn’t trying to get them to date. That didn’t work out. She wants to be friends with him, and I just think he can use a few friends, that’s all.”

“He doesn’t like her,” Merlin emphasized.

“I don’t think he ever really gave her a chance,” Morgana said. “He dropped her because he wanted to be with a man. But he didn’t have to turn his back on her completely.”

“She’s a bitch,” Merlin answered.

Morgana raised a brow. “She’s my friend, and she cares about Arthur. I think you’re just jealous.”

Merlin stood. “Are we finished here? I mean, I’m not trying to be rude, but I really need to get home.”

Morgana gathered her purse and scarf. “Yes. I’ll go see to my brother now.”

When she’d walked away, Merlin pulled his phone out of his pocket and dialed Arthur. “Morgana is on her way up. Better look like you’ve been barfing, or prepare to own up that we’ve lied to her.”

“Buggers,” Arthur muttered. “Did you talk to her?”

“Yes. I told her we’d only been dating a short time, and not much else.” He sighed. “She’s just worried about you, Arthur. She can tell something’s wrong.”

“You aren’t suggesting that I confide in Morgana, are you?”

“It might not be a bad idea.” Merlin heard the door buzzer on Arthur’s side of the line.

“I’m not telling my sister I can’t get enough sex, Merlin. I want her off my back until I can settle this. Are you still willing to play my enamored boyfriend?”

“Of course, but…”

“Okay, then. Talk to you tomorrow.” Arthur disconnected.

                                                                                ~~~OOO~~~

Merlin’s mobile rang in the middle of the night, and half-asleep, he knocked three things off his nightstand before he finally got hold of it.

“’lo?”

“Merlin, it’s Arthur.”

Merlin rubbed his eyes and tried to pull himself fully into consciousness.  He put the phone on speaker and set it on the table next to his bed. “You okay?”

Arthur sighed. “Yeah, just…just, you know. I can’t settle down. Was thinking about going out.”

“No, no. Don’t do that, Arthur. Did you try reading or watching television?”

“Yeah.” Arthur’s voice sounded so small and alone, Merlin’s heart squeezed for him.

“Just go ahead and touch yourself, Arthur. It’s not a crime.”

“It feels like failure,” Arthur admitted, sounding lost.

“Your body needs it for some reason. You’re not doing it because you’re trying to cope with something; you’re doing it because your body needs it. Go on. Touch yourself.”

Merlin heard the phone being set down and the tell-tale echo of the speaker, then Arthur’s indrawn breath, and Merlin knew he was doing as he was told. “That’s it.” Merlin settled farther down into his bed, picturing Arthur naked beneath his own covers, his beautiful body (as he imagined it to be) spread across the mattress and his hand stroking his engorged cock. He was unable to keep from asking, “Are you in bed?” and was dismayed that his voice came out raspy and hoarse.

“Yeah,” Arthur said on a sigh. “Naked in bed—oh!”

Merlin’s own cock stirred between his legs. “Oohhh.”

Arthur’s breath hitched. “I-I’m using both hands. One on my nuts, one on my…cock.” His sigh was heavy and drawn out, full of lust.

Merlin hummed his approval, his own hand reaching inside his pyjama pants. He heard something on Arthur’s end….a snap.

“Got some lube, now,” Arthur told him, his voice deeper than usual. “Slicking myself up. And…” his breathing sped up, “t-touching my hole.”

“Oh, God.” Merlin was instantly completely erect. He licked his palm and his hand sped up, his thumb brushing over the tip of his cock. Squeezing his eyes shut, he asked, “Are you fingering yourself?”

Arthur gasped. “Yes!”

Merlin let out a groan, jolts of desire running through him as his hand pulled frantically on his cock. He listened to the noises Arthur made as he came undone on the other line.—noises so sexy they made Merlin beside himself with want.

“ _Fuck_. Arthur, you sound so hot!” he gasped, then heard Arthur’s keening moan and Merlin jerked and spilled, his head getting light as he arched off the bed. “Holy shit!”

“You can say that again,” Arthur rasped. They both lay panting, and Merlin didn’t remember ever ending the call before falling into a deep sleep.

                                                                                ~~~OOO~~~

“What the fuck, Merlin?” Arthur demanded. He stood outside Merlin’s door, breathing hard as if he’d run all the way there.

Merlin bit his lip, then stood aside for Arthur to come in.

“I got a call from Morgause saying you’re not going to be my sponsor anymore!” Arthur’s face was a mixture of anger and disbelief, and it hurt Merlin’s heart.

Merlin closed the door. “I can’t, Arthur. Not after last night.”

“So we had a mutual masturbation session on the phone, big deal! You’re helping me, Merlin!” Arthur’s face began to crumble. “I need you!”

Merlin could see Arthur fighting for control, and looked him in the eyes.

“You need someone who can be objective. That's not me anymore."

Arthur started to say something, and Merlin interrupted.

 “I’m still here for you, Arthur,” he promised sincerely, “but I can’t be your sponsor in the group. I stepped out of bounds.”

Arthur’s breathing slowed a bit. “So you’re not abandoning me?”

“No! No,” Merlin shook his head and touched Arthur’s arm. “I’m sorry you thought that. I was going over to yours in a bit to tell you—I didn’t realize she’d call.” Merlin’s hand fell to Arthur’s and he took it, giving it a squeeze. “I’m still here for you, Arthur. I promise.”

Arthur let his head rest for a moment on Merlin’s shoulder before he stepped back. “Okay, good. Okay.” He took a deep breath. For the first time, Merlin noticed that Arthur was dressed in a sleeveless sweatshirt and shorts. “I was on my way to the gym when she called,” Arthur explained.

Merlin nodded. “Exercise should help.” He remembered what Arthur had said about his trainer, but refrained from mentioning it. Arthur would have to learn to reign himself in where temptation was concerned. Of course, Merlin recognized his own jealousy when he thought about it, and he forced himself to put those feelings aside.

“Morgana’s coming for dinner tonight. Can you be there?” Arthur asked.

“Sure.” Merlin smiled. “Is Nimueh invited?”

“Yes,” Arthur sounded less than pleased. “She insists she wants to be friends, and since she thinks you and I are a couple, I guess I have to believe her. I have a therapy session this afternoon…can you come around five?”

“Yeah. I’ll be there. Want me to bring anything?”

“Can you bring some clothes and stay overnight?”

Merlin hesitated. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

“Knowing Morgana, she’ll pass out on my couch.” Arthur looked uncertain.

Merlin really wanted to stay with Arthur. Hell, he wanted to ravage Arthur in his bed. But he knew the man was vulnerable, and he’d already stepped way over the line the night before. He bit his lip. He was just going to have to be an adult about it and keep his hands to himself when they were alone.

“Okay, sure,” he told Arthur and was rewarded with a brilliant smiled that pretty much wiped all concerns from Merlin’s brain.

Arthur also invited Gwaine and his date, Elena, to the dinner, figuring the more the merrier. Arthur had already told Gwaine that Morgana and Nimueh were under the impression that Arthur and Merlin were a couple, and that he should keep his gob shut about it. Insulted, but happy to get a free meal for his date, he agreed.

Arthur had the meal catered since nothing he could ever cook would live up to his sister’s expectations, and the food arrived about thirty minutes after Merlin did. Merlin looked scrumptious in his navy jumper and khaki slacks, the blue of his eyes sparkling clearer than ever. He helped Arthur set the table, keeping up a stream of meaningless conversation that kept Arthur’s mind, for the most part, off the fact that he wanted to shag Merlin senseless.

Gwaine had gone to pick up his date and arrived again with Nimueh and Morgana in tow.

“Look who we ran into on the lift,” he said, hanging up his and Elena’s coats. Nimueh wore a strapless dress more conducive to an evening at a club rather than dinner at Arthur’s flat with friends, and she handed Gwaine her mink wrap. Morgana looked the complete opposite in ripped jeans and a ridiculously expensive T-shirt created specifically to appear ratty and worn. Her jacket was black leather.

Arthur smiled when Morgana greeted Merlin pleasantly, giving him a kiss on the cheek. Elena was quirkily clumsy and completely different from the other two women. Arthur liked her immediately. She and Gwaine made a striking pair, although Arthur doubted they’d be together long, considering Gwaine’s track record.

It didn’t take much time for Nimueh to corner Arthur in the kitchen when he went to fetch the wine opener.

“Arthur! Let me help you.”

“I have it under control, but thanks,” Arthur told her, backing away a little. She’d inserted herself well within his personal space, and unfortunately, the counter blocked his escape route. When he had nowhere else to go, Nimueh advanced on him, closing the breech.

“I’ve missed you, Arthur. Remember what we’d get up to on Sunday mornings?”

“Nim, we only dated two weeks. That’s two Sundays.”  Arthur used the wine bottle as a shield from her questing fingers.

“But you do remember how we spent them?”

Arthur knocked his head on the cabinet in his effort to avoid her puckering lips.

“I don’t think I want to hear that particular story,” Merlin said from the doorway, and Arthur breathed a sigh of relief. Nimueh stepped back, and Merlin pulled Arthur into an embrace. “Arthur, I looked up and you were gone! I missed you.”

“You certainly keep him on a short leash, don’t you?” Nimueh said caustically.

“And for good reason!” Merlin answered with a grin. “Look what he’s gotten up to in here!” Merlin kissed Arthur’s cheek, and Arthur felt himself blushing. Merlin kept his arm around him as they headed into the dining room, and Merlin took over pouring the wine.

“This is delicious!” Morgana exclaimed over the seafood pasta dish.

“I remembered it’s one of your favorites,” Arthur told her.

“Did you remember I’m allergic to seafood?” Nimueh asked irritably, ripping a piece of bread with her teeth.

“That completely escaped me, sorry, Nim. Would you like some more salad?” Arthur really had forgotten, but he couldn’t really bring himself to care.

Merlin passed the bowl, and Arthur took his other hand and kissed it, more for show than the fact that he was dying to get his lips on Merlin’s skin. Merlin smiled at him, and Arthur could feel his sister’s eyes boring a hole in him.

When dinner was over, someone made tea and Morgana turned on the telly. Gwaine and Elena said their goodbyes and left for a club. Morgana found a foreign film that she and Merlin quickly became interested in. Nimueh remained quiet where she sat in the overstuffed chair, her eyes occasionally darting to Arthur, who quickly became bored and sleepy. He finally excused himself for bed.

He could hear the movie and muffled talking through the walls of his bedroom as he stripped and climbed under his sheets and duvet, leaving his underwear on since Merlin would be joining him later. The thought of having Merlin there with him excited Arthur, but he simply couldn’t keep his eyes open long enough to wait and drifted off into a heavy sleep.

Arthur awoke to someone tugging at him, and he groggily blinked, looking around into the darkness.

“Merlin?” he asked, alarmed at the odd sound to his voice and the fact that he couldn’t raise himself off the bed.

“No, it isn’t Merlin,” a female voice he instantly recognized said irritably. “It’s Nimueh.”

“What?” Arthur tried to lift his arm, but it was like moving through molasses. “What---are you doing?”

Nimueh turned on the closet light so he could see her. She stood naked by the side of the bed, her pale skin flawless and smooth, her breasts heavy. Reaching for him, she tugged at his boxer briefs, pulling them off. Arthur tried to struggle, but it was useless.

“What’s wrong with me?” he demanded, his words coming out weak and thready. His heart hammered hard in his chest and sweat broke out all over his body as he stared at the woman leaning over him.

Nimueh laughed. “I drugged you, you idiot! I put something in your tea. The same as I’ve been putting something in your vitamins for months.” Arthur’s eyes widened, and she continued. “Bet you didn’t know Morgana got them from me, did you? I told her not to tell—that you were just stubborn enough not to take them if you knew.”

“But…why?”

Nimueh straddled him, running her long fingernails over his chest and stomach.  “Things haven’t exactly gone as I planned, but originally it was to increase your libido. Morgana said you were overworked and tired, and I saw my in. I planned to get you hornier than hell with the vitamins, and then to just show up one night, have my way with you, and get pregnant. Then I found out that I wasn’t ovulating regularly.” She leaned down to kiss Arthur. He wanted to move away, but he couldn’t; he was too sluggish. He couldn’t believe what she was telling him. She’d drugged him? Made him go through this living hell for months?

“That’s all fixed now, though. You see, I want to have the Pendragon heir,” she told him as she sprinkled kisses along his neck. “Uther would be thrilled—I’d be set for life. Besides,” she laughed softly. “We’d make a beautiful baby, and I really, really want a baby.” She reached down to fondle him, and Arthur had no idea if he was responding to her touches or not. He felt woozy and lightheaded. He couldn’t let her do this—he did not want a child, particularly with her. Every fiber of his being screamed at the outrageous gall of this woman, but he was literally unable to lift a finger to stop her.

He squeezed his eyes shut as she began to rub herself all over him. The movie in the next room blared loudly; even if he could muster up the energy to yell, Arthur doubted anyone would hear. Nimueh made her way down Arthur’s torso, kissing and nibbling as she went, until she had him in her mouth. He sucked in a breath. It definitely felt good, although the drug muted sensation.

“No…” he said. “No!” He feebly tried to move away.

Nimueh raised up. “I’m afraid you don’t have a choice, Arthur dear. I’m ovulating now, so this is it.” She narrowed her eyes. “We would’ve been so good together! We’re the perfect couple. But you had to be difficult!”

“Nim, I-I’m gay!”

She made a noise of derision and went back to sucking him, this time with more vigor. He wanted to roll off the bed and get away. He wanted to yell for Merlin or Morgana, but he could barely move his fingers enough to curl them into the sheets.  It was so fucking frustrating not to be able to do anything while Nimueh raped him in his own bed!

                                                                                ~~~OOO~~~

Merlin wished he could think of a polite way to get out of watching the rest of the French film Morgana had him watching. At first he’d enjoyed it, but then Arthur had gone to bed, and Merlin had started thinking about Arthur in bed and how he, Merlin, could be lying beside him. Although he knew doing anything with Arthur was absolutely out of the question. Even though he’d resigned as Arthur’s sponsor, Arthur still had a long way to go in his recovery, and Merlin needed to respect that.

He sighed quietly, looking over at Morgana, who watched the television raptly. Nimueh had retired about a quarter of an hour earlier, and Merlin wished he’d done the same. Already, though, the absence of the sullen woman had lightened the air, and even Morgana seemed more relaxed. When an advertisement interrupted the movie, she stretched and looked at Merlin with a smile.

“You seem like you’re good for my brother,” she said, surprising Merlin.

“Oh, I don’t know about that,” he replied, unsure of what to say.

Morgana nodded. “You are. I don’t know why he’s been avoiding me so much, but perhaps you’ll help him settle a bit. I suppose you’re already the reason he isn’t working himself to death these days.”

Merlin simply smiled. He didn’t like lying, and he wasn’t any good at it. More than ever, he wanted to escape to Arthur’s room.

“Oh!” Morgana said suddenly, unwinding her legs from the couch and standing up. “I meant to ask Arthur if he’s almost out of the vitamins --Nimueh may need to get a new box.” She turned and smiled at Merlin over her shoulder. “I’m sure one of the perks of taking them is stamina!” She gave him a wink before disappearing into the kitchen.

Merlin frowned, something niggling at the back of his brain. When Morgana reappeared he asked, “Nimueh gets Arthur’s vitamins for him?”

Morgana settled back on the couch. “Well, he doesn’t know that…he’d probably refuse to take them if he did. But yes, she’s able to get them at a discount because her brother’s a pharmacist.” She regarded Merlin. “Would you like me to ask her to get you some?”

“No, no.” Merlin bit the inside of his lip, thinking. “How long has Arthur been taking these vitamins?”

Morgana pursed her lips, thinking. “About six or seven months I’d say. Why?”

Merlin’s heart sped up. Six months…about the length of time Arthur’s been cursed with a raging libido. He sat up straighter on the couch. Could Nimueh have replaced his vitamins with something else? And if so, why? She hadn’t been with him the past half year. Still, it seemed a bit of a coincidence…

“What’s the matter?” Morgana asked, her face sobering.

“It’s just that…Arthur’s had a bit of a problem the past six months.” Merlin didn’t want to divulge Arthur’s secret.

“What sort of a problem?” Morgana’s eyebrows formed a stark V over her eyes. When Merlin didn’t reply, she grabbed his arm. “Tell me what’s wrong with my brother. I knew there was something!”

Merlin pulled his arm away. “It’s hardly my place to say,” he told her, “but you should know that it makes me very suspicious that this problem he’s been having coincides with the length of time he’s been taking vitamins that Nimueh supplies for him!”

“But why…?” Morgana suddenly jumped up from the couch. “That _bitch_! She’s supposed to be my friend! If she’s been slipping my brother something harmful, I’ll kill her!” She headed for the guest room, Merlin following close behind.

When Morgana and Merlin burst into the room Morgana was to share with Nimueh that night, Merlin flipped on the light and the two of them stood staring at the huddled form on the bed. Irate, Morgana surged forward to yank the covers off her so-called friend.

She and Merlin gaped at the pile of pillows arranged artfully on the bed before turning their eyes to one another, mouths still open.

As one, they whirled around and ran for Arthur’s bedroom, the door of which they found to be locked.

Merlin hit his palm against the door. “Arthur! Open the door!”

When no answer was forthcoming, Morgana yelled, “Nimueh! You bitch, open this door this instant or I will pulverize you, I swear to God!”

“I could break it down,” Merlin offered, his heart beating double-time in his chest.

“Wait,” Morgana said, crouching to look at the knob. She disappeared down the hall, returning moments later with a skinny screw driver. Pushing it into the small hole in the center of the door knob, she popped the inner lock release and opened the door.

The scene before them left Merlin and Morgana speechless. At first Merlin thought they’d caught Arthur and Nimueh in a private moment, and Merlin was ready to back out of the room, his heart squeezing painfully at the sight of the two of them nude on the bed. But it took only seconds for him to realize that something wasn’t right. For one thing, although Nimueh immediately turned to them when Merlin and Morgana noisily burst into the room, Arthur didn’t even turn his head. And Nimueh was crouched over Arthur, her mouth and hands all over him, while Arthur wasn’t even touching her—his arms lying limply on the mattress.

“What the fuck?” Morgana breathed.

“Get off him!” Merlin moved forward, ready to push Nimueh off the bed if he had to, but Morgana was quicker. To Merlin’s disbelief, she drew back her fist and punched Nimueh right in the jaw, sending her reeling backward onto the floor.

Merlin scrambled to Arthur’s side, pulling the sheet up to cover him. “Arthur? Arthur, are you okay?” Arthur rolled his eyes sideways, trying to see Merlin.

“She—she—“ Arthur began to breathe hard, his chest rising and falling quickly, his eyes wild.

“It’s okay, you’re okay,” Merlin told him, rubbing his arm soothingly. In his peripheral vision, he could see Morgana flipping her mobile open.

“Merlin,” Arthur breathed, “she put something…in my…tea. I can’t move.” There was real panic in Arthur’s eyes, and Merlin swallowed his own fear, trying to keep his voice calm and reassuring.

“Everything’s going to be okay. We’ll get you some help, yeah?” He looked over at Morgana, listening as she spoke to the police.

“Call an ambulance,” Merlin told her when she’d disconnected.

“What’s wrong with him?” Morgana asked, looking over at Arthur, worry etched into her face.

“He’s been drugged. He can’t move.”

Morgana strode back over to Nimueh, bending to grab hold of her long, dark hair and yanking her head off the floor. “What have you given him?” she shook her, and Nimueh cried out in pain.

“Put this on, you cunt,” Morgana said with disgust when the other woman refused to answer. She threw a robe from the closet at her, and flipped open her mobile again to call an ambulance.

Merlin sat holding Arthur’s limp hand while they waited. He wanted to kiss it and hold it against his cheek, but he settled for rubbing the soft skin just below Arthur’s knuckles. It seemed forever until the ambulance arrived, the police right behind them. The rest of the night was spent answering questions and waiting in the hospital for word on Arthur.

When the doctor finally told them there should be no ill effects from the drug Nimueh had given him or the vitamins the police had bagged and brought to the hospital, Merlin and Morgana breathed sighs of relief. It was only then that Morgana’s veneer cracked.

Sniffling, she visibly drooped in her chair, wiping her eyes with her finger tips as she haltingly told Merlin she’d never forgive herself for letting Nimueh hurt Arthur.

“You didn’t know,” Merlin reminded her. “Arthur knows that.” He squeezed her hand. “Is there anyone I can call for you?”

Morgana took a shaky breath. “I’ll ring my boyfriend Lance.” She gave Merlin a watery smile and stood. “You go see Arthur.” She strode across the waiting room and out the double doors to make her call outside.

Merlin made his way to Arthur’s private room where he’d finally been admitted. Arthur lay in the bed looking tired and drained. When Merlin entered, he gave him a wobbly smile.

“Good to see you moving around,” Merlin told him, bringing a chair up beside the bed.

“It feels good to be able to,” Arthur answered. “It was so fucking scary lying there unable to do anything while she…” he slowly shook his head. “I never really thought about being raped before, but that’s what she was going to do.”

“But why?” Merlin asked.

Arthur told him what Nimueh had said to him, and Merlin’s eyes widened. “She must be crazy to go to those lengths!”

“I think she is a bit unhinged,” Arthur agreed.

“Morgana feels awful about the part she played in it. The vitamins were her idea.”

“I know she didn’t realize what Nim was capable of. Hell, I never would have thought it.” Arthur sighed. “I’m just glad that there’s an explanation for my behavior lately. I think I would’ve gone crazy if I’d continued like that much longer.”

Merlin smiled. “Once it’s all out of your system, you should be back to normal.”

Arthur looked at him. “When I am, will you go out with me?”

Merlin smiled.

 

Epilogue:

Arthur and Merlin walked hand in hand down the street, gazing into the windows of the closed shops near Merlin’s flat. Arthur had fully recovered from his ordeal, and he’d just started feeling normal again. He and Merlin had waited to start seeing one another until Arthur felt that his urges were his own again and not a result of some freakish drug. They were officially on their third date.

“Nimueh’s been admitted to a mental facility in Switzerland,” Arthur told Merlin, the steam from his breath rising in the cold November night air.

“I suppose that’s for the best,” Merlin replied. He didn’t like to talk about the woman, but he knew it was important to Arthur to close the chapter.

Arthur turned to face Merlin, his eyes soft. “I’m okay now, you know.”

Merlin nodded. “I just don’t like to think about what could have happened. She was slipping you something that could have harmed you. You didn’t know what you were taking, and it could have negatively interacted with any other drug you took.” Merlin clenched his fists at his side. “She could have killed you!”

Arthur put his arms around Merlin, pulling him close. “Yeah, she could have, but she didn’t. Let’s just put it all behind us, yeah?” He leaned back and looked into Merlin’s eyes. “It brought us together, didn’t it?” He smiled.

Merlin wished he could so blithely dismiss it, but he couldn’t. The thought of Arthur helpless in his bed was still too fresh in his mind.

“Morgana and Lance want us to have dinner with them Saturday night,” Arthur told him, running his thumb down Merlin’s face and across his jaw, making Merlin shiver.

“Okay,” Merlin agreed, a fuzzy feeling overcoming him. He watched Arthur’s lips, mesmerized.

Arthur leaned in and rubbed his nose against Merlin’s cheek. “What do you say we go back to yours? Gwaine’s at mine.”

Merlin nodded against Arthur’s temple.   “Yeah, okay.”

Arthur pressed his mouth to Merlin’s, lightly running his tongue over Merlin’s lower lip. “You know I’m going to have my way with you, don’t you?” he whispered.

Merlin’s own tongue peeked out, meeting Arthur’s with a quick touch before disappearing again. “I certainly hope so.” Smiling rather stupidly at each other, they linked hands and headed toward Merlin’s building where Merlin had left a light on for them.

 

 


End file.
